God, I coughed again —
it’s dry and I sneezed once yesterday,
and I think my throat is sore,
but mostly I am worried
that I am going to give COVID19,
to somebody I love,
or someone I get too close to
when I am walking the dog.
Even more, I am worried about
what is happening inside my mind,
so, of course, I start reading all about
Illness Anxiety Disorder,
but isn’t that bringing the focus on me,
when I am not sick,
I am not completely alone,
and not close to losing my house?
So then I start to worry
about how self-absorbed I am and …
God, this was not the beginning
and it will not be the end
as the kaleidoscope pandemic
shifts its many broken pieces inside me
and creates different patterns.
This, too, is your gift,
because now I understand
how everyone around me feels,
and feels differently every single day.
We are broken and beautiful,
and our patterns will change.
What won’t change
is our care for one another,
or this small healing ritual —