In a recently discovered codex a new story about Jesus has been found. By all the really important tests of authenticity — heart, hope, and adheres-to-the-Good-News, it seems that this piece by Richard Bruxvoort Colligan will be authenticated shortly by significant scholars world-wide. It apparently follows after Luke 5:16, Mark 1:35 or Matthew 14:23.
And after the weekend, verily, Jesus retired to a lonely place, cracked open an adult beverage and checked his Facebook feed on his laptop. And great was the *sigh* that he uttered– so great that the twelve, reclining in the next room, did inquire of the Master, “Master, why sighest thou in such an incredulous manner?”
And Jesus did stare at his screen with dismay, shake his head and mutter, ‘They know not what they do.” And his voice was great with irritation, for he knew it would not be the last time he would say this.
For a new “Friend” had posted something ignorant about Islam, naming the great tradition a tribe of haters.
And Jesus summoned the twelve and began to preach to them, saying, “You know that’s messed up, right? That my sheep are all over, some not of this fold? That anyone not against me I consider on our side? That my yoke is exceedingly easy but it will bust your ego and blow your mind? That I’m talking about a new world. You know this, Right? *Sigh* Okay, look. Now THIS is happening.”
And the Lord did click. And clicketh he did.
And poised to Comment on the ignorant child of God’s post, he did lovingly type on his device, “I disagree. I have Muslim friends– devout ones. They are truly about peace and goodness in the world. Sorry your experience has been different.”
And the Lord did post his comment.
And full of the Holy Spirit, he waited and watched in hope of a reply, a dialogue, some evidence of enlightenment.
After a minute’s time, the Lord did refresh his screen.
Behold, it went blank, for at that very hour he had been Unfriended.
Then the Lord dropped his jaw, closed it again, and then chuckled incredulously saying, “Really?”
And the twelve waited with bated breath on the Rabbi’s next move as the Master considered what manner of assholery this was, for he was pissed. And disappointed. And also full of compassion for his lost “Friend” whom had closed down their online relationship.
And the irony of the Prince of Peace being perceived as a threat to the former “Friend” was not lost on them. For this kind of thing happened, like, every day, especially with religious people. And, verily, it was getting old.
Then in the silent tension did Jesus gaze about the room at the faces of his chosen partners in ministry. And Jesus stood up abruptly, saying, “Well. Who feels like barbecue?” for he was quick to move on.